`` IT's MY REAL LIFE JOURNEY. ;;

Tuesday, January 19, 2010 12:45 PM

know wad? darling ytd told me that is he cannot stand all these rubbishs again , he might consider moving back to wdls . I was so elated to hear this. But i know he wont. he's just saying for the sake of saying. It makes me feel so much going back now...

I've been trying to tell myself to take this place just like my house. I wanted to give this place a brand new look , instead of being older and older , we could have just re packed the house a bit and paint the wall with brighter color , this could make the house looks brighter. BUT? this isnt my place to do things that i want to. ESP when this is IN LAW PLACE. i might have to see faces and faces , or stand people talking behind my back when staying here. thats why i have never been happy staying here. NEVER.

I wished so much to moved back. Had abort this idea since darling told me its not possible. But due to somepeople who dont know how to take care of her childrens , and causes so many troubles, now I seem to dislike everyone in the house , seems that i have to tahan faces and words thats i dislike. A MIL that come bias more to boy than girl, HL in wadever she do , thought wadever she did is right, think im stupid mother , A SIL that rely on people to tk of her children , A FIL only talks when he finds things wrong , i somehow think that i cannot comunicate with them. I wanted to treat them so much like my own mummy and family, but somehow their culture totally different from mine , wad can i do ?

I dare not complain to mummy , i dont want her to dislike my hubby , neither his family , although I myself dislike them so much. And she sure asked me to moved back . I know as a DIL im not supposed to create all these troubles , for me and my hubby, but ...

Neither i dare to say anything to him , he might just told off his family, and they might think Im the one causing and complaining all these , thats why I had been receiving faces , and sarcastics and toaccept the way they are. I dont like and im not happy. I dont like when my darling is not at home and I got to see all these nonsenses. Tears always rolled down the cheeks whenever i mention these. How much i wished i can party late night out and return back woodlands unknownlinly.

I really wished mummy can stop working , and i go to work instead of her. so that she can help to take care the babies. instead of leaving the babies here when i can do nothing but to see faces and stand the nonsense from this family.

I know im a bit too much to say all these , afterall its my IN LAWS. I CAN DO NOTHING. BUT TO FACED THEM , AND LEARN TO FACED MYSELF. Mummy somehow seems right , Im only capable in giving birth to the twins , other than that , i dont think im valuable to this family.

His SIL is not a bad person , just that she loves to rely on others. but cant his M just understand that we are a family of 4 also ? and that he just got to take care of his own childrens instead of his Sis's ? wad kind of M is this ? thought her son is still a baby ? If i had never moved back to wdls for those weekends, i doubt darling knows how to change diapers, feedmilk or even bathe for babies. ALL THESE I believe his M will never asked him or allow him to do. they sure scold or say him stupid.

I WANT MY OWN FAMILY. THIS IS NOT WAD I WANT.
I JUST HAVE ONE BIRTHDAY WISH ...
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no one can give i know. But this is just a wish.

well its true , no one dotes on jiaying , but its okays , she has me and her daddy.
JOANNE YONGSHENG JIAYING JIAJUN - we are one family.

- additional resolution for this year : learn to be happy.

Joanne-
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