`` IT's MY REAL LIFE JOURNEY. ;;




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myLIFE. myLOVE. myJOURNEY - JOANNE.TAN






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 ichigobliss@starwberriesfantastie
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IT'S ALL ME._ 2010

two lill cows.
pregnancy
my family
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Sunday, January 24, 2010
3:11 PM

Sometimes it really makes me wonder ,
Have i ever been happy since I've choosen this path ? I mean i would have the choice to be happy yet this is wad i have been ..

the fark care attitude from him is making me DONT GIVE IT A DAMN. I HATE THIS AND HATE HIM REALLY. but still ? he care? well , married life is like tt husband will not give a damn to wife esp when you have kids. I FEEL SO STUPID AND SILLY. why i choose this path ?

I din expect that i will stop celebrating my bday on my 22 yrs old.
HAA. no point regretting neither can i hope or wish for anything. Perhaps just all the good for my two lill darlings. Some time i feel stupid treating him good and stupid always make myself loving him so much. just like a dumb. Perhaps i should really move back my place ? well ? perhaps seeing and facing each other everyday makes one feels numb.

THIS YEAR BDAY I DO NOT HAVE ANY WISH , just that to ... ... ...
AND IM NOT HAPPY AT ALL.
so wad when others asked me to stay happy? with this kind of family? in laws?
faking to be happy perhaps. =)

SO MUCH I WISH TO CRY . I JUST WANT TO HANG OUT LATE NIGHT WITHOUT GOING BACK HOME.

YES I DO.
I dont need any celebrations cause i know nothing makes me smile trufully. i really misses my dear friends as well as buddies, guess this is all i need.
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Thursday, January 21, 2010
12:28 AM

THIS YEAR SEEMS TOUGH FOR ME.

SO WAD ? WHO KNOWS? EVEN HE , DISSAPOINT ME.
i have no one else. suddenly i missed my home. my own family. i mean my mummy and even my brother. i think they are they best still.

I FEEL SO LONELY HERE.
and yes. the feelings sucks. really sucks.
you know the word ,F-A-K-E.
yar , this is wad i do everyday and in fact facing everyday.

In his world , HE is living in fakeness , including all his family members , you know ? SUCKS!

FARK! IM GOING CRAZY!
THIS IS LIKE PRE DEPRESSION . I CAN DO NTH BUT CRY CRY CRY LIKE CRAZY WOMAN.
URGGH ! FARK UP!

I RELALY WANT TO DRINK DRANK DRUNK AND HACK CARE FOR THAT FEW MINUTES.
even that few minutes might makes my life so much better.
THIS IS LIKE HELL FOR ME.
I've never been like this before.

i miss ... everything. IN THE PAST.
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Tuesday, January 19, 2010
12:45 PM

know wad? darling ytd told me that is he cannot stand all these rubbishs again , he might consider moving back to wdls . I was so elated to hear this. But i know he wont. he's just saying for the sake of saying. It makes me feel so much going back now...

I've been trying to tell myself to take this place just like my house. I wanted to give this place a brand new look , instead of being older and older , we could have just re packed the house a bit and paint the wall with brighter color , this could make the house looks brighter. BUT? this isnt my place to do things that i want to. ESP when this is IN LAW PLACE. i might have to see faces and faces , or stand people talking behind my back when staying here. thats why i have never been happy staying here. NEVER.

I wished so much to moved back. Had abort this idea since darling told me its not possible. But due to somepeople who dont know how to take care of her childrens , and causes so many troubles, now I seem to dislike everyone in the house , seems that i have to tahan faces and words thats i dislike. A MIL that come bias more to boy than girl, HL in wadever she do , thought wadever she did is right, think im stupid mother , A SIL that rely on people to tk of her children , A FIL only talks when he finds things wrong , i somehow think that i cannot comunicate with them. I wanted to treat them so much like my own mummy and family, but somehow their culture totally different from mine , wad can i do ?

I dare not complain to mummy , i dont want her to dislike my hubby , neither his family , although I myself dislike them so much. And she sure asked me to moved back . I know as a DIL im not supposed to create all these troubles , for me and my hubby, but ...

Neither i dare to say anything to him , he might just told off his family, and they might think Im the one causing and complaining all these , thats why I had been receiving faces , and sarcastics and toaccept the way they are. I dont like and im not happy. I dont like when my darling is not at home and I got to see all these nonsenses. Tears always rolled down the cheeks whenever i mention these. How much i wished i can party late night out and return back woodlands unknownlinly.

I really wished mummy can stop working , and i go to work instead of her. so that she can help to take care the babies. instead of leaving the babies here when i can do nothing but to see faces and stand the nonsense from this family.

I know im a bit too much to say all these , afterall its my IN LAWS. I CAN DO NOTHING. BUT TO FACED THEM , AND LEARN TO FACED MYSELF. Mummy somehow seems right , Im only capable in giving birth to the twins , other than that , i dont think im valuable to this family.

His SIL is not a bad person , just that she loves to rely on others. but cant his M just understand that we are a family of 4 also ? and that he just got to take care of his own childrens instead of his Sis's ? wad kind of M is this ? thought her son is still a baby ? If i had never moved back to wdls for those weekends, i doubt darling knows how to change diapers, feedmilk or even bathe for babies. ALL THESE I believe his M will never asked him or allow him to do. they sure scold or say him stupid.

I WANT MY OWN FAMILY. THIS IS NOT WAD I WANT.
I JUST HAVE ONE BIRTHDAY WISH ...
.......................................................................................................

no one can give i know. But this is just a wish.

well its true , no one dotes on jiaying , but its okays , she has me and her daddy.
JOANNE YONGSHENG JIAYING JIAJUN - we are one family.

- additional resolution for this year : learn to be happy.
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Monday, January 18, 2010
12:31 AM

my back aches! / pains! =(

Ytd mummy came casue i complain i had no OFF day , and most prob she misses my darlings.
Den , she came and bring my darling girl back!
haa. since she's not really popular among this family. and since all find her temper not good, my mummy loves hers so much. and of cause darling;s girl mummy and daddy love her too. just that instead of girl , the boy stays with us , mummy scare my dear boy's crying. haa!

Alrights. wanted to bring my dear boy out for a walk at vivo initially. but due to someone incapable of taking care her own childrens, and despite all the troublesomes , i or rather WE decided not to go. Its okays. perhaps next weekends or the week after , i ask the babies grandmother to bring them out for a walk =) cause I need to treat their grandmother and grandfather a treat also.

I've supplied out my catalouge of apparels. Am so happy. despite all the babies cryings , and feedings , that kept me so occupied , i still managed to earn a little to keep things going.
And YEA~ IM going to clear and packed his house, i mean partially. Cause its full of childrens toys, where i dont think Im gonna give a damn. Maybe i just paint the house and repacked the house to make the house "NEWER" a bit ? haa* I really cannot stand such a untidy house! i dont know why his families can , and they can just rely on a maid . OMG. =x
Well , since im gonna to stay here for 2-3 yrs , I got to make it comfortable JUST LIKE A HOUSE not a STORE ROOM. a sweet , nice and comfortable house, instead of just letting another day passed like tt. Sometimes when some one had a maid , things and life will change. Which i hate myself to rely on a maid.
PLEASE. someone make sure im still gonna be myself and not even drinking coffee i need a maid to brew for me. PLEASE MAKE SURE IM NOT LAZY!! when the maid comes.

Anyway,
my 2 darlings
yes! my darlings.

LOVES!

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Our girls gathering - meetup 07JAN.09.
ilove yougirls! ENJOY THE NIGHT.
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Thursday, January 14, 2010
6:41 PM

Everyone says , " daaughter in law can never stays with mother in law" and well its FARKING SERIOUSLY 100% TRUE. I mean no matter how good your MIL is , there will sure be conflicts be it wadever.

AND JUST FARK LA!
i cannot say wad i dont like about her but i just can say i dont like her. SERIOUSLY.
even though if my husband see this. i really farked care. and wad i want to say is sorry. i just cannot stand the way and live in this way.

they say "the world is fair , " fact is the world is NEVER.
boy is still outstanding then girls.
For those DIL out der , so happy for you when you do not have a MIL or IN LAWS that will bias against boys to girls. I mean , i dont give a damn who she bias , but this is too much . I just dont like just dont like. IF MY MOTHER LIKE THIS , I WILL STAY AWAY FROM HER. BUT I CANNOT STAY AWAY FROM MY IN LAWS YOU SEE.

HAIIS. regrets la.

Anyway having such farking backache. Just so wish to go massage. But i think it will just hurt me. i think my spine got prob. just so farking pain.
Sometimes i want to say . dont look things just at one side, AFTERNOON IS THE MOST SUFFERING FOR ME , BUT STILL I GOT TO LET IT PASS. Feeding one after another burping one after another , darlings cry after one another , making them stop crying one after another , making them slp at the same time , FARKING BACK ACHE. but no choice. there's no one in the house can help me. MAID GOT TO REST as she tk my girl at night. ALONE LO. tts why i hate this. i hate. but i got to live with all THESE.

NOISES, NONSENSES, NAGGINGS, HATE THESE!
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Monday, January 11, 2010
1:59 PM

one weekend passed so fast.
=)
My darlings are alr 6 weeks old.

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Went to maid agency last sat , and she's coming on this thurs / fri.
Her name is Watini. She's almost same particulars as the current one my sis in law having.
Seriously hope she good and listen to me and not being too stubborn. Hope she will be my helpful assistance.

Anyway I strike 4d first prize for 2010. yupx. perhaps i should thanks to my two darlings.
Telling me that their grand ma and grandpa dotes on them a lot. so i bet on my mummy and uncle year. and well , haha it opened. thank you darling.
Although the amount is not enough for all the loans and bills, but still its a luck.

Met up with ying at cwp and Went to see eden and shihui on sat night. Eden grown up so fast!
haa. anyway hope shihui will lead a better life . =)
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Tuesday, January 05, 2010
9:24 PM

THE NEW MAID IS LIKE . WAD THE FARK!



wah laos. making me headache.

She dont have the experienced of taking care babies , then insist on taking care babies.

when im carrying , she insist she wants to carry. Though that the 2 maids can help out each other in the housework as well as babies so that i can be more relax a bit. But end up im more worried then usual.



LOUSY AND USELESS. URGHS!

pissed me off. dont even do basic housework , just stick to babies and when babies slping she sit there watch tv if not stay beside baby wait for them to wake up CRAZY. fark! so easy money i also want.

now ive got to do housework and see babies. IM MORE LIKE A MAID.

IM CHANGING. DEFINATELY!! FARK UP.

I KNOW I COMPLAIN TO MUMMY NO USE.

long story and anyway IM STUPID LA.



REGRETS! GOT EATRA PPLE LIKE NO PPLE. URGH!

And his mum always like to haolian how how how to takecare baby , wah lao, i alr did all the methods la! hao lian wad. I THINK IM QUITE A DIFFICULT PERSON TO LIVE WITH LA .

lucky i got my hubby.
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Monday, January 04, 2010
7:42 PM

Today is the first day where the two kids go to school.
and the house is so much quiet. So shiok.
PLUS my darling took leave to accompany me. haa well anyway i had a great day today.

I had my family day on monday =) YEA.
well , i should really say , i must be pampered sometimes. haa.
Someone gave me a present which im craving for.
Although Its not excatly wad i want , but still haa it was meant to be a suprise!

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Well, he kept it under the bed and i found it while i was changing the bedsheet.
haa! this is the guy i love so much despite all the scoldings and quarreling.
He still never forget that i needs to be pampered. haha.
thank you darling.

so i want a LV speedy next year!

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this is BABY jiajun.
And well , i know im much closer to this lill baby rather then my girl.
Because he is so much light sleeper that he got to sleep in different room with meimei.
And so meimei needs others to take care. den as time passes, i spent time lesser with her.
But no worries, i still love both la. both my precious. i mean our precious.
Will post darling girl pictures th next time with all her funny acts =)

I love my family. Our small little one. sweet and loving one. =)
Anyway thank you darling. really. i know i have been unreasonable for the past few weeks la. But I wont because one bag i stop quarrelling one.. LOL. Sorry for all the torlerance. I love you baobei . and my baobeis =)

- oh ya! cut my hair today , and he said i look tomboy! >.<
- slimming plan needs to start !!
- IM awaiting for thurs my sisters gathering! I MISS THEM ALL. AND I LOVE THEM TOO.
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Saturday, January 02, 2010
9:38 PM

am back home. - woodlands.
yes. fri sat and sun.
Seriously if i have enough help , i do not wish to go back.
yesterday darling asked me , " i really dont know who make you so fed up, and who step on my tail " i kept quiet. seriously no one. I just dun like the way THEY are loh. the way they talk, they way they live , their lifestyle , the way they had their lunch dinner or even breakfast , the way they teach ppple to do things , they way wadever it is , i just dont like. i dont know why darling is part of them yet i can accept but not his family.
seriously am i that fussy? i mean , i just want all to be happy. they are so fake that i dont like. well , wad can i say , its their lifestyle for the past 26 years or more ...

I certainly will miss mummy and they way we used to live in , without naggings , without restrictions , without stress . and well , its my family.

was struggling whether to keep the current maid , she's so ... i hate it . perhaps im just so not used to have a maid around , instead of ordering her around , i do more things as usual . we treat her like a guest! haha. but im also glad , mummy did not hire maid in the past . if not i believe i would ended up like everyone in his family. used to the habit of after drinking eating , theres pple to clean and wash for them , or even just making a cup of coffee they will ask for help. well , its just their habit , i shall and can say nothing.

oh yar, my troubles and problems seems the negative side from jess. a newly wed couple. well , so glad she is staying happily with her in laws. but still hope they would get their own house in case of problem like THESE.and here i want to wish her to stay happily ever with her hubby . and faster have a baby , then my babies will have more friends , including sh's one .
As for the rest i hope they are staying happy too with their own partners.

Though they are always busy , hoppe they are also getting finel

here i am lying on my bed typing this entry. had been stiicking to my two darlings since morning. taking turn to drink milk , taking turn to bathe , taking turn to cry , taking turn to make them slp . well , enough to last the whole day but doing all these, and truely , 1 day passed just like tt.
darling will be back tmr. - frm duty.

Just in case he kpo, and saw this post , i want to tell him once again ,
" sorry darling. im not trying to make life difficult for you . i understand . but u know i really dislike . and since we made a promise that we are to confide in each other no matter wad , that why i find no reasons to hide wad im thinking from you. As nfor you , if you dont like or anything please do let me know . i will tRY to be more understanding okay ? im really sorry. i know you had always been on my side, trying all ways to make me happy and stress-less. here i really wanna say thank you. despite all the attitudes towards you , but i want to let you know i love you -) pls darling , dont relyon ur mum so much , i promise i will earn enough money to cover back all expenses so you wont be so xingku. okay ? =) i loveyou. <3
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм


Friday, January 01, 2010
1:16 PM

01/01/2010
Yes. It's a NEW YEAR.



JUMBO at indoor stadium.


yes. 2009 last hour last min and sec im with my hubby as well as his buddy and wife.

Yup , the fireworks are nice. although its not really full view from indoor stadium , but at least we can see somthing. the night was not a good start initially. going out just a while created so many problems. But still i went out with my darling. and left my two small darlings at home.
Wanted to spend the new year with them but ... sorry darlings mummy is a bit playful. haaa.

oh yar. before the fireworks, we had jumbo meal. den after firework , we spent the first thing watching movie. - bodyguards and the assasin. Well, then i came to know china people in the past are so country lover. hmm i mean , they willing to sacrifice their live to protect their country. So touching la. =) it was nice , but i was damn tired.

reached home settled everything , and it was 5am, was so tired. woke up at 10am , due to darling boy cry. What i must say , life is so different when you have babies, they really just keep running in our minds. Was so worries , house could not handle them and worry so much about this and that...

My 2010 new resoultion:
- my darlings grow up happily and healthy.
- my big darling LOVE ME MORE. haa
- to give in more and understand my big darling.
- To buy gucci bag or from my BIG darling . hahaha
- to earn more money , for a BETTER LIFE.
- to be able to slim back to 50kg.
- To be more independent.

- my darling not to rely on his mum so much
- To sleep more.
- To have more rights and say in the family.
- Hmmm ... shall fill up the rest next time. haa.

Anyway i love my family. my 3 darlings. happy new year !
And of cause happy new year to all my friends and sisters!
Joanne-
ïи♥щїғħīм